Just Breathe
by Paper pens and ink
Summary: After reuniting with the Losers that night at the Chinese restaurant, Eddie completely panics at the thought of facing Pennywise and being in Derry again so he knocks on Richie's door for comfort. On his side of the story, Richie is having trouble dealing with the feelings he forgot he even had for Eddie


Damn. Just damn.

Seeing Richie standing there, gripping the stick he used to bang the restaurant's gong, was just too much for Eddie to process. He couldn't believe this is how his childhood friend turned out. He was expecting some looser in a hawaiien shirt, messy hair with thick curls running all over the place and thick black glasses. Actually, now that he thinks of it, that's exactly what he got. But something about the Richie who was standing in front of him right now was so unexpected. He eyed the man's broad shoulder and big hands ; his body was not only tall but it was imposing. He towered over him like some sort of godlike warrior but Eddie quickly recognized his friend's goofy grin and humor when he jokingly pointed out Ben's evident glow up. All Eddie could do was stare. Their eyes met for what seemed like more then an average amount of time but eventually their side smiles managed to break the tension. This was Richie. The Richie he'd hung out with thousands of times as a kid. And these were the Losers, his best friends in the whole world. There was no need for this to be awkward in any way. And yet, he felt a certain uneasiness pooling in his stomach.

Thinking back, the night had gone relatively well. They immediately reconnected and goofed off as they always had. Granted, they those Chinese cookies freaked them the fuck out and Richie was definitely gonna have nightmares about that mobile gooey eyeball thing that seemed so persistent at crawling towards him but other than that it was nice. Richie was now laying on his hotel room bed, staring at the ceiling, going through the night's events in his head. He was a little creeped out about being alone in a room when he knew very well that a serial killer, shape shifting clown was in the loose but he had no intention to stay so all he had to do is make it through tonight and he'd be on his merry way first thing tomorrow. Besides, the other Losers were right next door so it wasn't like he was completely alone right? At least that's what he told himself.

It was a little weird tho. Seeing Eddie and the rest of them. Just yesterday he didn't even know that he grew up in Derry and fought off a clown when he was barely even a teen. And now he has to deal with all of this shit hitting him all at once. All of these...feelings. And so, he drank. A lot. They all did, but Richie went at it a little harder than the others. He couldn't help it. Seeing Eddie again and remembering how he used to want him, like really want him. It was just too much for him to handle and their bickering and arm wrestling didn't really didn't help at all. He thought it was cute tho, how Eddie tried so hard to prove that he was strong enough to win against him -which he definitely wasn't- but Richie let him believe he could for a little while since he knew it meant so much to him...plus he didn't really mind holding his hand like that.

"Lets take our shirts off and kiss!" Where the fuck did that come from? It was so random and uncalled for but Richie couldn't help but blush at the memory. It was obviously a strategy Mr. Risk Analyst caused to try to throw him off his game but still. And then there was that moment when Eddie said he knew Richie didn't right his own comedic material. What was that about? Did he like...watch his shows? That can't be possible since they all forgot about each other once they left this cursed town. But maybe if he lived closer to Derry than him, he might have been able to remember his name or recognize his face from tv. Maybe...

The thought of Eddie watching his shows in his living room and paying close enough attention to realize that those weren't his own jokes sent a certain wave of heat through his body. Sadly, his bubble burst and the heat was replaced by a nauseating feeling when he remembered that Eddie would probably watch his performances while sitting across from his wife, maybe even leaning on her or something awful like that.

—- — — — — — —  
Eddie was freaking out. He sucked yet another puff from his inhaler but even that wasn't enough to stop his racing heart. Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck. This was SUCH a bad idea. The killer clown, the sewers, the dying children, I mean how could Mike possibly think he'd participate in such a risky and definitely doomed plan. Actually, there WAS no plan. He just expected them to waltz in there and magically kill an immortal being. Oh yeah, what the hell could go wrong?! His hands were shaking. Jesus fucking Christ and now he's supposed to spend the night in a shitty hotel when they've just now been attacked. He bet the clown would just climb through the window and devour him within seconds, heck he could easily use the door, these hotel room locks are such crap!

He tried lying down and closing his eyes but he knew that such an action would make him even more vulnerable to whatever supernatural crap was probably coming his way. He couldn't stay here, not like this. He wasted no time getting up and immediately stormed out of the room he was assigned. He darted to the first door in his vision field, or so that's what he told himself because there's no way he'd ever admit that he specifically chose this room, and gave it a rather forceful knock. Naturally, it was Richie's room. He heard some fumbling around coming from the other side of the door ; he was probably putting some clothes on or something of the sort. The comedian swung the door opened with a groan then froze at the sight of the man standing in the corridor.

"Hey... " Eddie's voice was oddly quiet for such a nervous wreck.  
"Eddie? What are you doing here, it's late." He seemed surprised but his face clearly indicated that he was relieved.  
"Im freaking out man, I can't fucking stay here, not even for the night, I can't, I just —"  
"Just get in here" Richie responded, stepping back to give his friend enough space to come inside. Eddie's nerves quickly came back and, before he knew it, he was pacing back in forth in a tiny hotel room that wasn't his as Richie stared at him behind his thick framed glasses, sitting patiently on the bed, listening to his friend ramble incoherent thoughts.

—- —- —- —- —- —- —- — —-  
"Dude. Just breathe for a second, you're gonna pass out." But Eddie couldn't hear anything he was saying ; he was out of it. Tears started tricking down his cheeks as he tried to explain, in between sniffles, just how insane this entire clown story was.  
"You don't have to convince me, I'm with you on this one," Richie managed to add as Eddie was attempting to catch his breath.

His heart was broken. He was scared too but, somehow, seeing his Eds so torn up like this made him feel worse then that stupid fucking clown ever could. He didn't know what to do. He wanted to help him so badly, to hold him, to tell him that everything would be alright and that he'd never, not in a million years, let anything bad happen to him. But he couldn't. He knew that if he did, it would just be selfish since he'd secretly be gaining something out of it. This was a married man that was standing in front of him which meant that he couldn't allow himself to get all close up and personal with him. He sighed a little louder than he would have liked and made his way to Eddie, grabbed his hand and led him to the bed where he practically forced him to sit. The sudden contact seemed to make his friend even more vulnerable as he immediately bursted into tears, leaning his body on Richie's.

"Hey hey hey... hey man look at me. Look at me Eds," the comedian whispered as he grabbed his face with both his hands and wiped a tear with the help of one of his thumbs. The nickname momentarily distracted Eddie from his panic attack and he used this brief pause to gaze into his best friend's worried yet reassuring eyes.

"What do we do Rich, I can't do this, I —"  
"Well we sure as hell aren't staying here to fight that demon clown. So here's what we're gonna do. First thing tomorrow, we'll wake up early and pack our bags. My car's in the lot so I can drive you home cuz in the state you're in, you'll crash your car before we even make it down the street. "  
"I kinda...already did that." Blush crept onto his face ; he was clearly embarrassed.  
"You what?! Aww man Eds can you do anything without me!You're definitely gonna have to tell that story as we make a break for it tomorrow, you're such an idiot sometimes —"  
"Shut up you dick! But secretly the playful banter was really helping Eddie calm down. Actually, Richie's laugh was like an immediate cure to most of his anxiety fits but he'd obviously never admit that to him.

"So what do you think?" Richie's eyebrow cocked up as he asked and his grin clearly revealed that he was looking forward to their little road trip.  
"Yeah, sounds like a plan. Thanks Richie." His voice was low. The way he said his name gave the slightly hungover man sitting beside him goosebumps. That was that then. They'd leave together tomorrow. Just two buds on their way back home, back to Eddie's wife. Damn. For a moment there he almost forgot about Myra. Actually, he didn't know much about her so he let curiosity get the best of him.  
"I bet your wife's going completely insane having you run off to Derry in such short notice. She'll be happy to see you, I bet. I know you're moms excited for me to come back..."  
"Beep beep Richie! God you're such an ass sometimes! But yeah... I don't know. Things with Myra are a little...I don't know. Can I be honest with you for a second? " he sounded vulnerable.  
"Yeah, what's up?"  
"I think I made a mistake with her. When I got the call I just... I think I married my mom. I mean she's the same Richie, they could be twins. And I didn't even notice before. I don't...I don't think she makes me happy anymore...I don't think she ever did."  
"Well shit man." Richie's mind was boggled. Could he have a chance with him? No, no this isn't about him. His friend needs him right now, don't make this about yourself.

— — — —- — —  
Eddie doesn't know what's gotten into him. He's never said any of this out loud. He's never even allowed his mind to even go there. And yet, his words were spilling out before he could think of the consequences. He knew it was the truth but why was he telling Richie? What did he expect to get out of all of this?  
"So what are you gonna do? About Myra, I mean." Richie's soft words and concerned look snapped Eddie out of his thoughts. His heart was beating unbelievably fast but he wasn't sure why.  
"I don't know. I mean I do, I just don't know if I'll be able to do it. A divorce is like... a big deal. And where do I go from there? I already gotta get a new car but now I have to get a place to stay and start all over? I don't think I can do that. I'm too old for this shit and now what? I don't want to fucking die alone just cuz I'm afraid of being a mama's boy!" That last sentence seemed to bother Richie.  
"Eds, you're definitely a mama's boy. But hey I can't blame you, your mom's got something about her," he jokes, desperately trying to make his friend laugh to lighten the mood. "Plus, even if we haven't seen each other in years, I still know you enough to tell you that you'll be just fine. Steady job, rigid budgeting, tight ass. You still got it man. " he punctuates his sentence with a pat on Eddie's back. The recipient of the gesture seemed very tense under Richie's hand. His face was hot, so hot, in fact it was burning up. He stared blankly at the door in front of them as he repeated to himself it's just a joke, just a joke. As a response, he settles on a simple "yeah" that sounded very uneasy.

"We'll deal with it, I promise. Besides you deserve better than that dickwad." That earned an eye roll from Eddie's behalf. "You can crash here, by the way. I mean if you want. I know it's kinda freaky to be alone with that clown out there". For a second there, Eddie thought he saw Richie's face turn pinkish. But maybe he only imagined it. Besides, he had his own face to worry about ; it was definitely crimson at this point. But why? He knew why, kinda, but that was something else he didn't allow himself to think about. So until he did, he'd have to live with that rapid heartbeat of his.  
"Yeah, that would help with uhh...the nerves and stuff," he answered as he gestured to his inhaler. He crawled up to the bedside and slipped into the messy sheets that still smelled like Richie.

"What the fuck are you doing?!" Eddie has just caught a glimpse of his friend pulling down his sweatpants and throwing his T-shirt on the floor, leaving him in nothing but grey boxers. The risk analyst could have died right there and then. He was WILDLY uncomfortable and embarrassed at the scene, not to mention that his stomach was churning.  
"Hey you came to my room so it's my rules. I'm not gonna keep myself from a good night's sleep just cuz you decided you were to scared to sleep alone," he snickered.  
"God your suck a dick! Fine but stay on your side on the bed or I WILL smother you with a pillow as you sleep, got it?"  
"Oooo kinky! Mr. Kaspbrak, who knew?" And with that, Richie turned off the one bedside lamp that had been projecting a yellow hue in the room during their entire conversation and climbed into bed next to Eddie, who was facing the wall opposite to him. Silence fell upon the room, and all they could hear was one another's breathing.

Eddie closed his eyes. Richie hadn't exactly respected his prior request, he was facing his back, knee pressed upon the back of his thigh and he could feel his warm breath on the nape of his neck. He didn't protest though, he didn't mind the contact. It made him feel safe. Warm and safe.


End file.
